"Wherever I sat, there I might live...": June 2011

The hills of Texas are around me now. Around the birdhouse, various forms of beautiful flyers are fluttering, then stopping to eat. A hawk soars, wings outstretched, in the distance - the backdrop of its canvas are small white puffy clouds against a bright blue sky, massive as only Texas sky can be. The sounds of air force jets and helicopters humming are lost in the buzzings of hummingbirds and bumblebees. And I sit in one of many rocking chairs on the open front porch of my grandparents' house, silent and listening.

It's good to be home. I lived here with Mimi and Papa for a summer... maybe three years ago now. The summer before had been spent in Nepal. The year after coming back from such an amazing place was hard. I had fallen in love with a country and a people, and was heartbroken to leave. My best friend at the time had disappeared from my life, leaving me heartbroken again. Living with my grandparents in this beautiful place was just what I needed. On this porch, God began to speak to me again. And between the love of my God and the love of my grandparents, a healing process began in my life.

Looking back now, I can see so clearly what this Saviour has done in my life - so clearly that he was always there. I sit content, thinking of all he's given me - the peace in this heart that was once hurting and broken, the purpose in this mind that was once confused and obstinate. I questioned him so much that summer, and when I reached out for help from my Christian peers here, they changed the subject and joked flippantly about things that don't matter. But he was there, listening to my cries for help, loving me as he has always done. And always does. And always will do.

It's been a good week at this home. My brother (who is my hero) surprised me at the airport when I came in late last Tuesday night. He drove to Arkansas with my parents and I for my old roommate's wedding. My parents drove me through three states this week, and we got to spend loads of quality time in the car. We all worshiped to songs from Gunnar's ipod, and laughed to the country songs that came up between. In Oklahoma, I got to see some of my favourite friends, and visit with my fellow English majors. I saw my grandma at her new home in Wichita Falls a few times, then we came to my grandparents' house in Belton. My youngest cousins were here, so we've been doing skits for the "grown-ups", as we always do.

So here I sit now, and here I live. But going home to New Zealand comes in a few hours. And I can't wait to continue sitting and living and loving.